this blog has really been collecting dust. my last blog was in dec 2010 for goodness sake.

somehow, i feel like blogging all over again. i realised that i do really need the space where i can run my mouth. my mind in fact.

Once we get used to something, it's hard to break the habit. haha! I'm such a procrastinator. No doubt about that. Always having the motivation and determination to do the work at the beginning but then, I'll gradually lose the interest. This is definitely something that I need to work on.

Well, 13 weeks into it and it suddenly hits me. Am I really happy doing research? The answer to that for now is no. What keeps circulating in my head sub consciously are languages and travelling. But, this could be due to the fact that I've been thinking of vacations.

I really have the urge to paint or do some sketches.

Time to get my pencils and paintbrushes!

It's funny when we rewind back to the past. I nearly died laughing and was so embarrassed by some of the words I used back then. such gibberish nonsense! haha! but back then , we really did have more fun eh.. wish I could relieve just a day of it and see the world from a very different perspective. Back then , imagination really does wonders. I know I used to day dream a lot. This part of me still remains though. haha! I'll admit that I'm a dreamer.

well, what's past is past, we can't do anything about it.

we just have to keep moving on.

Did I make the mistake earlier at some point in my life? Or did I actually make the right choice? The future seems so uncertain to the point that it is scary. Too scary. I guess it really takes courage for one to take the first few steps after making a decision and I really do salute those who have. The only way to know if the choices made are the right ones is by experience. Time will be the deciding factor whether that experience will be a good or bad one.

So, having said that, I guess the main reason why I’m having such a hard time deciding is the fear of failure and regret. I’m going to be in my twenties soon and until now, I haven’t felt that I have been living my life the way I want it to be. I’m not really complaining about it but it’s just that I haven’t done anything that is worthwhile or really given me any sense of accomplishment. Some say I should continue studying and I do acknowledge the importance of it but will it make me a happier person? I want to lead a wholesome life without having to look back in regret. So what is it I really want to do? I don’t exactly know at this point of time but what worries me most is whether I will finally find the elusive path to my future.

i had an awesome day with my two girl friends. catching up each others lives and believe me, i did learn a thing or two to prepare me for the future. hahas, given the chance, im sure none of us wanted to go home. :) will meet up with you girls soon!